IRON NICK

A young lad named Nick often dressed

In clothes that were ironed or pressed

The thoughts of this fool

Were "smoothed garb equals cool,

And I'll pass the hipster ironi(ng) test!"

HIPSTER TAPE MEASURES

A hipster lad was searching for

"Skinny Love" on his iPhone 4:

The form of a cassette

Was the phone's cover, yet,

He'd never held a real one before

LIKE A MO TO A FLAME

At a new pop-up, rooftop lounge space

A mustachioed lad showed his face,

For the bartender there

Served, in recycled glassware,

An ironic hot drink called Freebase

TIN FOILS

Ned Kelly would hang down his head

And crawl back into his tin shed

If he knew just how often

His beard was begotten

By boys who buy gluten-free bread

ON YER BIKE!

At a Dalston bike store-slash-café,

Known for its vegan quorn paté,

A hipster is stunned

When denied a refund

On his sour-tasting yerba mate

LAY BAN

While trying in vain to impress

A bored lass in a t-shirt dress,

This lad lied / “explained”

That Wayfarers were named

After cool men with no fixed address

NORA THE EXPLORER

When bike-riding, a lass named Nora

Was pulled over coz a fedora,

Not a helmet, she wore,

To the cops she implored:

“But, I bought it online from Andorra!”

BARGE IN BIN

When of his trust fund he took charge,

This lad bought, and lived on, a barge:

He raided op-shops

For vintage sailor tops,

Wearing XS though he was a Large

BEER HUNTER

A hipster named Jackson collected

All sorts of things others neglected:

He made his own bling

From beer caps strung on string,

But low Etsy sales left him dejected

THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK

A hipster who calls himself Kaizer

Lives in his second-hand tennis visor

When asked, "D'you play sport?",

He'll just sneer and retort:

"I'm an ironic umpire’s adviser"

HACK KNEE

Under cut-off shorts she’d bleached white

A lass put on some ripped black tights

She almost got a fissure

Hacking them with scissors

To make the fake ladders look right

SUCH A PLAYER

A hipster decided one day

That he would become a DJ

"How hard can it be?",

He thought, then proudly

Opened up Spotify and pressed Play

TRENDSPOTTING

This flanny-clad hipster was shocked

When a thickly-accented Scott

Greeted him with a grin

And said “that shirt you’re in

Is a tartan reserved for sheep stock!"

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ERNEST

Hoping girls would fall for his charms,

A lad bought A Farewell To Arms:

Hemingway’d be pissed,

And shake his boxing fists,

To know his oeuvre was in hipster palms

ANUDDER ONE BITES THE DUST

A hipster lad’s quest of the day

Was to find Melbourne’s best soy latte:

Finally, he did quip

“It’s the best!!!” as he sipped

Someone else's cow milk take-away

CAPTAIN CRUNCH

A hipster lad stood in a queue

At the front of Café Bambooh

He’d been doing his crunches

For he’d heard that their brunches

Were known for a high-fat ragout

SHE WAS SEW DRUNK

While at her embroidery class,

A needle-challenged hipster lass

Thought it too hard to sew

A cross-stitch-pattern bow

So she drank from her vintage hip flask

URBAN LEGLESS

A hipster who sells homemade turbans

Had a penchant for straight bourbon

He once drank so much

That he wet his own crotch,

Now he’s banned from all bars that are urban

CREA-TEE-VE

A lass customizing a top

(That cost 400 bucks in the shop)

Got very annoyed

When the pen she employed

Just squeezed out bits of glittery slop

KNIT PICKY

A hipster who called himself Garth

Decided that he’d knit a scarf.

Knitting needles lacked flair,

So, to look debonair,

He used chopsticks he’d broken in half

DIRTY LIAR

A lass rubbed her hands in the dirt

And wiped them on her vintage shirt

So that she could pretend

To her visiting friends

She’d grown, not bought, berries for dessert

PINK PANTER

A hipster whose name was Leon

Was cleaning his pants of neon:

To ensure they’d maintain

The brightest colour stain,

He washed them with hot pink crayons

PINGER

A guy with hair like MacGyver

Was snorting some E through a fiver

He was celebrating

His championship win

In the ping-pong grand final decider

LEMON DROP

This hipster’s light-lemon bum bag

Was so full it started to sag

Down to the exposed knees

Over which Gim had squeezed

Lycra bike shorts covered in zigzags

WATER COOLER

A hipster on summer vacation

Was “camping” close to a gas station.

He walked to a brook,

Didn’t step in, just looked,

For fear of “mainstream” damnation

THE ROYAL TENANT BUMMER

This hipster lass got quite upset

When her Wes Anderson films boxed-set

Was discovered all bruised

For her housemate had used

It as an ashtray for cigarettes

TAT EEEEW

A hipster lass went out and got

A tattoo in an abandoned lot

Now on her left ribs' side

Do dreamcatchers reside

But Hep-B is also what they've caught

FERRY TALE

A hipster was looking quite merry

As he posed on the Manly ferry

For this glasses-clad lad

Was convinced that he had

Pulled off the look of Richardson, Terry

INTERNET EXPLORER

A hipster lass went with her crew

To a new boutique brewery in Kew

But before heading out

To drink organic stout,

She checked that they had Wi-Fi too

ALL BEARDS AREN'T CREATED EQUAL

Out with his hipster boys, drinkin’,

A lad said “I bet that Abe Lincoln

Would be so jealous

Of the long beards on us,

Thoughts of envy he'd surely be thinkin’ ”

TOAST MASTER

A hipster lass had an idea

After many sips of ginger beer:

She’d recycle typewriters

Into bread alighters

And type on the toast words of cheer

COQ AU VAIN

Though a lazy hipster named Chief

Wears sneakers from Le Coq Sportif

The only sport he plays

On a week’s many days

Is to judge others with disbelief

BOOTLEGGER

Though the rolled up jeans Dhan was wearing

Weren't original, weren't daring,

Pink Tiny Tim boots,

Worn for daily commutes,

Got him his yearned-for fair share of staring

HEAD AND SHOULDERS

A lad by the name of Jerome

Spied a marble bust at his mum’s home

He thought, “I will use that

To display my new hat

And the Le Specs I brought back from Rome”

MAGNUM WHITE

In shorts that were both white and tight

And a tank top toned equally light

A lad looked angelic

Channeling Tom Selleck

As a bonus, he glowed in the night

LOONY CORN

This shoulderpad-wearing young lass 

Ate, post her yogalates class,

"Gourmet" corn on the cob

That cost many a bob...

Its crazy high price was just crass

HUES SORRY NOW

A young lad simply could not choose

Which Instagram filter to use

This extreme indecision

Led to damaged vision

Now he can't even make out hues

SUMMER SOLST-ASS

At a one-day, new-music festival

A lass calling herself Percival

Wore cut-offs so short

That her friend did retort:

“Why’s the moon out when there’s sun that’s estival?”

FOOTLOSER

This hipster lad was just achin’

To emulate young Kevin Bacon:

His sweatshirts were improved

With each sleeve he removed,

Now to Footloose’s tunes his bum’s shakin’

BAR TENDER

While lounging at a rooftop bar,

Showing his “fixie accident” scars

This lad almost cried

As he recalled the ride

That had damaged his Nitto drop bars

TEAM SPIRIT

A young lad by the name of Mit

In front of ebay did sit

Searching: “vintage track team

T-shirts in white or cream”

To wear while smoking American Spirit

IN A PABST LIFE

In his best, oversized trucker cap,

While nursing a beer in his lap,

This young hipster boy

Felt immense loads of joy

From getting his dear Pabst on tap

BJORN THIS WAY

As he lay navel-gazing in bed  

While sporting sweatbands on his head,

This hipster lad feared

That his small "Bjorn Borg" beard

Simply made him look like a dickhead

JUST IN TIME

A hipster alone, drinking gin 

And researching bands from Berlin,

Puts the volume to high

On his clandestine buy:

A CD from Timberlake, Justin

EASY STRIDER

His blonde, mullet haircut aside,
Another thing filled Floyd with pride:
His collection of shirts 
Made from tartan-print skirts,
Gave him reason to not walk, but stride

KATJA N' THE RYE

An oversized-T-wearing guy

Looked so happy that he might just cry

When a hot lass sat down

Near him and, with a frown,

Asked the waiter for tofu on rye

GOLDEN BOY

A young lad who calls himself Lamber,

Clad in his mom’s vintage Jil Sander,

Says to the poor bar man

“This beer poured from a can

Should be described as golden, not amber”

SKATE BORED

A board-holding hipster named Nate

Felt his ego begin to deflate

When some gals passing by

Looked at him with a sigh

And said "I bet he can't even skate"

MISTER MYSTERIOUS

A lass thought this hipster delirious

When he said to her in tones serious:

"My issues are much

To deep for you to touch,

I'm sorry, I'm just so mysterious"

THE DOC IS IN

A hipster in Doc Martin boots

Heard two mainstream gals in cahoots

Say that they liked the guy’s

Choice of wear ‘neath his thighs -

He felt ill at such praise from "pleb newts"

WINDOW PAIN

A lass by the name of Elaine
Was thrilled when it started to rain
She took many photos
Of her own "casual" pose:
Staring blankly through the window pane

WOOL WORTH

On a hot day you might split in half
From the strength of your very own laugh
When a guy in flip flops
And two sheer, thin, cropped tops
Is adorned with a large, wooly scarf

THE MILK MAN

The cool vibe that a boy named Britt
Seemed to, from his slouched posture, emit
Was the bonus quite great
Since proclaiming milk crates
As the only thing on which he'd sit

TROUSER KAISER

His chinos were starting to chafe

So this young hipster lad we’ll call Ralph

Thought, "the time has now come

To wear our pants undone",

So that trend he did promptly vouchsafe

'MO-DAL FINGERPRINTING

A wannabe rock-fusion singer

Tattooed a mustache on her finger

Now this hipness ho

Proudly holds up her "mo"

When she butchers The Cranberries’ Linger

HOT HEADED

It’s thirty degrees in the shade

But this young lad will not be swayed

To take off his wool beanie

That is far from teeny,

For he’s certain it will get him laid

CAMERA OBSCURE-A

Lamenting the polaroid dearth

(Like all hipsters walking this earth)

The lass at Photo Store

Sees a toy to adore,

Thus ironic disposables' birth

THERE'S SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON

A lass hopes that all her "friends" look

At the food pics she puts on facebook

But each “home-made dish”

Like her “Soufflé of Fish”,

Are really scans from “Learn to Cook”

IT'S IN THE BAG

The brown paper bag this guy’s holdin’

Is thought to hold liquid that’s golden

But it’s warm 7-Up,

Not beer, that's covered up

And makes the look to which he’s beholden

GYM CRUMMY

If you want an image that’s grim,

Think of hipster lads down at the gym:

They wear mauve high-top sneakers,

Sweat a tenth of a liter,

And just adjust their cycling cap’s brim

CHIPS AHOY

In an ironic varsity jacket

(His initials stitched on it in brackets),

A lad sat on a bench

And removed with a clench

Seaweed chips from a brown paper packet

BIG BUNS

A lass had a craving for meat n’

Some bread but she felt rather beaten

When her high-waisted shorts

Weren't her loving consorts

Post the large Williams-burger she’d eaten

DYEING TO BE COOL

A lass was dip-dyeing her hair

To look like she just didn’t care.

She slipped as she reached

For the bottle of bleach

And fell right on her derrière

IN JEANIUS

This hipster lad left the house dressed

In his best acid-washed denim vest:

Walking down a hip street

In the high-degree heat,

He just melted right in with the rest