Hipster Limericks
A limerick a day keeps the hipster at bay.
Saturday 21 July 2012
IRON NICK
A young lad named Nick often dressed
In clothes that were ironed or pressed
The thoughts of this fool
Were "smoothed garb equals cool,
And I'll pass the hipster ironi(ng) tes
t!"
Friday 20 July 2012
HIPSTER TAPE MEASURES
A hipster lad was searching for
"Skinny Love" on his iPhone 4:
The form of a cassette
Was the phone's cover, yet,
He'd never held a real one before
Thursday 19 July 2012
LIKE A MO TO A FLAME
At a new pop-up, rooftop lounge space
A mustachioed lad showed his face,
For the bartender there
Served, in recycled glassware,
An ironic hot drink called Freebase
Wednesday 18 July 2012
TIN FOILS
Ned Kelly would hang down his head
And crawl back into his tin shed
If he knew just how often
His beard was begotten
By boys who buy gluten-free bread
Tuesday 17 July 2012
ON YER BIKE!
At a Dalston bike store-slash-café,
Known for its vegan quorn pat
é,
A hipster is stunned
When denied a refund
On his sour-tasting yerba mate
Monday 16 July 2012
LAY BAN
While trying in vain to impress
A bored lass in a t-shirt dress,
This lad lied / “explained”
That Wayfarers were named
After cool men with no fixed address
Sunday 15 July 2012
NORA THE EXPLORER
When bike-riding, a lass named Nora
Was pulled over coz a fedora,
Not a helmet, she wore,
To the cops she implored:
“But, I bought it online from Andorra!”
Saturday 14 July 2012
BARGE IN BIN
When of his trust fund he took charge,
This lad bought, and lived on, a barge:
He raided op-shops
For vintage sailor tops,
Wearing XS though he was a Large
Friday 13 July 2012
BEER HUNTER
A hipster named Jackson collected
All sorts of things others neglected:
He made his own bling
From beer caps strung on string,
But low Etsy sales left him dejected
Thursday 12 July 2012
THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK
A hipster who calls himself Kaizer
Lives in his second-hand tennis visor
When asked, "D'you play sport?",
He'll just sneer and retort:
"I'm an ironic umpire’s adviser"
Wednesday 11 July 2012
HACK KNEE
Under cut-off shorts she’d bleached white
A lass put on some ripped black tights
She almost got a fissure
Hacking them with scissors
To make the fake ladders look right
Tuesday 10 July 2012
SUCH A PLAYER
A hipster decided one day
That he would become a DJ
"How hard can it be?",
He thought, then proudly
Opened up Spotify and pressed Play
Monday 9 July 2012
TRENDSPOTTING
This flanny-clad hipster was shocked
When a thickly-accented Scott
Greeted him with a grin
And said “that shirt you’re in
Is a tartan reserved for sheep stock!"
Sunday 8 July 2012
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ERNEST
Hoping girls would fall for his charms,
A lad bought
A Farewell To Arms:
Hemingway’d be pissed,
And shake his boxing fists,
To know his oeuvre was in hipster palms
Saturday 7 July 2012
ANUDDER ONE BITES THE DUST
A hipster lad’s quest of the day
Was to find Melbourne’s best soy latte:
Finally, he did quip
“It’s the best!!!” as he sipped
Someone else's cow milk take-away
Friday 6 July 2012
CAPTAIN CRUNCH
A hipster lad stood in a queue
At the front of
Café Bambooh
He’d been doing his crunches
For he’d heard that their brunches
Were known for a high-fat ragout
Thursday 5 July 2012
SHE WAS SEW DRUNK
While at her embroidery class,
A needle-challenged hipster lass
Thought it too hard to sew
A cross-stitch-pattern bow
So she drank from her vintage hip flask
Wednesday 4 July 2012
URBAN LEGLESS
A hipster who sells homemade turbans
Had a penchant for straight bourbon
He once drank so much
That he wet his own crotch,
Now he’s banned from all bars that are urban
Tuesday 3 July 2012
CREA-TEE-VE
A lass customizing a top
(That cost 400 bucks in the shop)
Got very annoyed
When the pen she employed
Just squeezed out bits of glittery slop
Monday 2 July 2012
KNIT PICKY
A hipster who called himself Garth
Decided that he’d knit a scarf.
Knitting needles lacked flair,
So, to look debonair,
He used chopsticks he’d broken in half
Sunday 1 July 2012
DIRTY LIAR
A lass rubbed her hands in the dirt
And wiped them on her vintage shirt
So that she could pretend
To her visiting friends
She’d grown, not bought, berries for dessert
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